How to Shoot a Gun

I must apologize to all those who are all for total gun control. This concept does not exist in Alaska. Besides, everyone should shoot a gun at some point in their life. Even if purely for the experience. There a few things that will make the experience nothing less than awesome.

A. Find a rugged Alaska man who is willing to take you shooting. Preferable with a manly, biblical name like Zachary.
B. Find your most outdoorsy pair of heels. Obviously, the heels are necessary. But you will be trudging through some pretty rough terrain; so outdoorsy heels are a must. No more than 3".
C. Get a bad-ass gun. It is not necessary to know anything about guns - if you don't understand type or caliber, do not fret. That's what the rugged Alaskan man is for. All you need to know is: if it looks like a shot-gun, it's bad-ass.
D. Wear plenty of make-up. You must look your best for target practice.
E. When you set yourself up to take a shot, aim perfectly at the target. At the last minute, close your eyes and shoot. Hopefully, you will hit something. Preferably the target.
F. Do not show any emotion when the gun kicks back and feels like it's tearing off your entire shoulder and arm. You can bandage your horrific bruise when you get home. For now, be tough.
G. When you get cold, hand the gun over the men, and sit in the car to warm up. Definitely ok. After all, you cannot wear socks with those heels. You will get cold.
H. When it's time to check the target, run all the way across the field trying not twist your ankle and fall to your death in your 3" heels.

When all is said and done (even though you shot with your eyes closed) you will be shocked to realize that you hit the target at least once (if not twice)!  Jump up and down in your ecstasy and afterward go see Harry Potter to celebrate. Victory will be yours.

You will look something like this (no need to tell me how bad ass this looks - I already know):