By this I don't mean your immediate boss, I mean any boss. This inclues "the" boss. Usually, there will be very few opportunities to interact with such an important person. Especially if you're such an unimportant person like myself. So I have a few ideas for all of you out there who need a leg up. Who want to make something of yourselves in this world...it goes something like this:
1. When your boss comes to ask you a question, shut the window where you were shoe shopping. If you forget, and she sees the shoes, deny deny deny. Feign ignorance as to how such an abomination made it onto your screen. Damn spam.
2. When you meet with your boss, do not ask her beforehand what her expectations are of such a meeting. Just go in blind believing that it will all work out. When she points out your incompetence, leave. Your ego will survive; just hope your job does.
3. When you must email her, email messages that are entirely too long and wordy. Because you need to sound smart and show off how many big words you know. Her response will inevitably "That's fine." She may even misspell your name if you're lucky.
4. Never ask your male boss whether you are a professional dresser or not. You will not like the answer.
5. Never begin a flirtation with any of your bosses. You will not like the outcome.
6. Do not ask for a raise. Especially if you're not qualified. That will not go well.
7. Do no insult a political figure that your boss happens to be friends with. Especially if you say this person (who is a woman) looks like a man to prove a point. Your point will be lost in the insult.
8. If an awkward silence comes up with a boss, just keep talking. Two things can happen: you somehow stumble out something that catches their interest, or they will just leave. Either is preferable to an awkward silence.
9. Most important of all: if your boss ever says anything that is 100% incorrect, just nod and smile.
Nod and smile.
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